101 Best Wedding Budget Tips -(1 – 10)

Don’t break the bank! Follow our guide to all things financially savvy.

Set Your Sites
1. Create a comparison chart to track what’s included in the price for each venue you’re considering. One company may not include linens and the cake, for example, while another company does.

2. Many public spaces, like parks or the local village green, may be available to rent at a low fee. However, if the space is not equipped to handle events, you’ll have to rent everything from napkins to tables and chairs. Make sure you come out ahead!

3. Choose an unusual venue, such as an aquarium, a zoo, a gallery or an historical site. Site fees are not high and you’ll save on decor because the venue already supplies ambience. But the same caveat goes as for public spaces: Figure in what you’ll have to spend on rentals.

4. Hold your ceremony and your reception in the same place. You’ll save yourselves multiple site fees as well as transportation from one location to the other.

5. If you belong to a community organization or to the military, you may have access, at low cost, to a venue belonging to them.

6. Don’t forget your alma mater—these usually rent for a few hundred bucks.

7. Depending on your venue, you may not need to decorate extensively. If you marry outdoors at a winery, for example, there’s not much you’ll need to add to the gorgeous vineyard backdrop.

8. Rent a vacation home. Even if the owners charge you a week’s worth of rent for the day, it may still be equal to or less than renting a traditional reception venue.

9. If a family member has a scenic property, find out if you can hold your wedding there. One couple held their wedding on the family ranch where the groom had grown up. Unique and cost-conscious!

10. If you’re a city-dweller, leave town for your wedding. that can really save a whole lots of bucks where it can be channelled else where.

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17 Counterintuitive Things the Most Successful People Do

intutiveYou’re always going to get the same results, doing what everyone else does. Sometimes you have to know when to zig where others zag. These are some of the counterintuitive lessons I’ve learned and applied from the most successful folks I’ve met.

Pick Fights – to test others’ resolve in their own beliefs. In business you can’t turn over the reins to someone who doesn’t know how to defend their own ideas and plans.

Isolate Yourself – to reenergize. Many seemingly extroverts are introverts. If you recharge when by yourself, you need to seek out isolation from time to time.

Purposefully Offend – sometimes the only way to get someone’s attention is to call him or her out. But, you can always positively turn the relationship around with persistence and some mea culpa. Tech entrepreneur Jason Calacanis is a master of this.

Hyper Self-Critical – of your own standards and choices. I once watched George Carlin berate himself on stage, in a rehearsal standup performance, for missing the timing of one of his jokes by a few seconds. He nailed the follow-up HBO special.

Peacock – don’t give others the option not to see you or hear your message. The pick-up lesson from “The Game” applies to business as well. Nobody buys a product they’ve never seen.

Repeat Mistakes – enough times until you really learn the lesson. Sometimes, mistakes do need to be repeated if the payoff is big enough. We hardly ever learn anything truly worthwhile after one try.

Seek Out Rejection – to get desensitized to the fear of it. Once we lose the fear of rejection we more easily go after what we want, and thus get more of it. (TIP: more details in the 5 Steps Sales Process)

Ignore Consensus – when your own data and foresight is convincingly contrary to the wisdom of the crowd (like Jobs, MLK, Gandhi). Consensus bonds us together and creates harmony, but it rarely moves us forward. Progress sometimes has to come at the hands of an individual’s decisive disruption.

Expect Nothing – in return for helping your peers. Karma points are dispersed unexpectedly over decades, not in a scorecard of dollars.

Quit – those endeavors you’ll never win at, and take a new swing at the plate. Don’t double down on a losing effort by not knowing when to walk away.

Play Possum – with your competitors. Don’t be so eager to show off your strengths until it’s the perfect time to strike. If rope-a-dope worked for The Champ, it will for you too.

Get C’s instead of A’s – if you excel in non-traditional environments (like entrepreneurs) & can justify the opportunity cost of your time. Oddly enough, more of the C students I went to school with, employ our A student classmates, than vice versa.

Become Indifferent to Slights – because time and energy are too valuable to waste on petty matters. Attention being paid to wounds of our ego is precious energy diverted from achieving our goals. You can win the argument, or win the game. I know what I’d choose.

Self-Sabotage – yourself when you find yourself mired in complacency. Don’t ever get too comfortable with the status quo, always be willing to blow it up and start all over again to truly create something better.

Abstain from Work – which others can do for you. Delegate every task that others can do 80% as well as you, and focus on those items that only you can achieve that have big payoffs.

Plot & Scheme – your next couple moves ahead. If you don’t see the whole landscape of the playing field, you’re bound to get sideswiped. Know where you’re going far in advance of making your first move.

Underestimate Demand – for your products and services. Don’t ever assume people want what you got, and you’ll always have the appropriate amount of urgency and hustle to validate what you’re trying to achieve.

4 Steps to Successful Brainstorming

BrainstormAlmost everybody does brainstorming wrong, Ralph Keeney says, and turns it into an enormous waste of time. He wants to tell you how to do it right.

An emeritus professor at Duke’s Fuqua School of Business and a consultant to such diverse organizations as the Department of Energy and, just last month, a German power company with $40 billion in revenues, Keeney has devoted his career to a discipline called “decision science,” helping companies and government agencies bring focus and rigor to their decision-making process so that they can waste less time spinning their wheels and instead get clear on their objectives before they try to meet their goals. Thirteen years ago he penned a book, still in print, called Value-Focused Thinking: A Path to Creative Decision-Making, which says that most corporate executives put the cart before the horse. Instead of parsing the objectives they hope to achieve, they direct their energy at coming up with solutions to broadly-stated problems.

“When most people do brainstorming, they run all over the place and think outside the box,” he says. “I think they should think inside the box—the right-sided box.”

His latest paper, published in the December issue of a journal called Decision Analysis, spells out what he believes is the right approach. In Germany for instance, the company he counseled is trying to cope with a vastly changed energy landscape, where nuclear power will be banned as of 2022, coal emissions restricted, and by 2020 at least 20% of the company’s energy must come from non-carbon-emitting sources. “The company has to change phenomenally in order to exist 10 years out,” he says.

Instead of packing executives into a conference room and brainstorming solutions, Keeney met for one hour each with 19 top people, including the CEO. He pressed them on what they thought the company’s objectives were. Then he compiled a list of 450 things the executives wanted to achieve. He took the hundreds of objectives and boiled them down to 40 major goals, with 200 subsets. Why? Because, as his paper says, before you brainstorm, it’s essential to go through the process of analyzing and focusing on objectives. Here are Keeney’s four steps to effective brainstorming:

1. Lay out the problem you want to solve.
This may be easier said than done. Keeney describes a doctoral student who is at sea while trying to come up with a dissertation topic and advisor. The student grasps for ideas with only the vaguest idea of a goal, stated as negatives rather than positives. “I don’t think I could do it,” “it is not interesting to me,” “it seems too hard,” and “it would be too time consuming.” Then finally someone suggests an idea that doesn’t have any of those negatives. The doctoral student grabs the topic. But Feeney says this is a poor way to make a major decision. Instead the student should keep pushing until they come up with at least five more alternatives, and then, considering all those, “identify your objectives for your dissertation, evaluate the alternatives and select the best.” It will be well worth the effort.

2. Identify the objectives of a possible solution.
This is what Keeney did for the German energy company and what he’s done for several government agencies, including the Department of Homeland Security and the energy department. It’s not easy and it takes time but if you can approach your goals critically and hone in on what you want to achieve, your brainstorming session will be much more effective.

Feeney offers a great example of this process. David Kelley, the founder of renowned design firm IDEO, wanted to design a product that would enable cyclists to transport and drink coffee while they were riding. A couple of ways to describe what he wanted to design: “spill-proof coffee cup lids,” or “bicycle cup holders.” But a much better description is the following objective: “helping bike commuters to drink coffee without spilling it or burning their tongues.” Keeney likes this statement because it clearly lays out IDEO’s objectives, to help bike commuters 1) drink coffee, 2) avoid spills, 3) not burn their tongues. He even contributes a few objectives of his own: avoid distractions while biking, don’t contribute to accidents, keep the coffee hot and minimize costs. Going into that much detail before brainstorming about ways to design the cup holder makes IDEO much more likely to succeed.

3. Try to generate solutions individually.
Before heading into a group brainstorming session, organizations should insist that staffers first try to come up with their own solutions. One problem with group brainstorming is that when we hear someone else’s solution to a problem, we tend to see it as what Feeney calls an “anchor.” In other words, we get stuck on that objective and potential solution to the exclusion of other goals. For instance, when Feeney was consulting with a cell phone maker years ago, the company had numerous objectives. It wanted to produce a lightweight phone that also had GPS capabilities (Feeney did this consulting gig some time ago, but he insists the example remains illustrative). When company executives got together to brainstorm ideas about how to build a better phone, one person brought up the issue of weight. Suddenly everyone became fixated on that idea and forgot about their other objectives. Coming into a meeting with potential solutions reduces the risk that participants will get bogged down on one objective.

4. Once you have gotten clear on your problems, your objectives and your personal solutions to the problems, work as a group.

Though he acknowledges that it’s a challenge not to “anchor” on one solution in a brainstorming session, Keeney believes that if participants have done their homework, clarifying the problem, identifying objectives, and individually trying to come up with solutions, a brainstorming session can be extremely productive.

At the end of the paper, he describes a 2008 workshop he held to try to come up with ways to improve evacuations in large buildings in case of a terrorist attack, based on a recommendation from the National Institute of Standards and Technology. Keeney brainstormed for two-and-a-half days with 30 people with expertise in everything from firefighting and building codes to handicapped people and human behavior. The result, after going through Keeney’s four-step process: a list of 300 new alternative ways to speed evacuation. Then the participants evaluated the many ideas, which included using cell phone alarms to guide people to exits and building linked sky bridges on every fifth floor. The hope, of course, is that these solutions will never be tested. But Keeney’s brainstorming method helped the group find effective suggestions.

[Forbes.com]

World’s tallest hotel opens in Dubai

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At Dubai’s newest hotel, an elevator ride is a journey in itself.

The JW Marriott Marquis Dubai officially opened Wednesday as the world’s tallest hotel.

Granted the official record from the Guinness Book of World Records, the 72-floor latest icon in Dubai’s skyline is made up of two towers standing 355 meters (1,164 feet) tall. Only one tower is currently open; the second is slated to open in 2014.

It’s the first of the Marquis brand of JW Marriotts — “reserved only for the most iconic properties within the Marriott International portfolio,” according to the company — to be built outside North America.

The hotel adds nine restaurants and five bars and lounges to the dining and nightlife options in the city. While dwarfed by the Burj Khalifa, currently Dubai’s and the world’s tallest manmade structure at 830 meters, it’s the tallest building entirely dedicated to a hotel.

Still, it’s not the world’s highest hotel.

That title goes to the Ritz-Carlton in Hong Kong, which occupies the top floors of the 488-meter-tall (1,601 feet) International Commerce Center.The JW Marriott Marquis Dubai hopes to tap into the MICE market (meetings, incentives, conferences and exhibitions), a segment that in the United States is worth about US$106 billion, according to JW Marriott. “The hotel will fill a long identified gap in the market where groups, meetings and conventions of up to a thousand people can meet, sleep and dine under one roof,” said Rupprecht Queitsch, general manager of the new property. “Until now, Dubai has not had a single location of this size to accommodate this type of group.”

On the 71st and 72nd floors, the Vault Lounge offers panoramic views of the city.

[http://travel.cnn.com/]

6 Weird Things that Affect Your Relationship.

relationship imageRecently, research revealed that how much sleep you get (or don’t) majorly affects your bond with your guy. But a lack of shut-eye isn’t the only thing that can sabotage your love life. Here are six more weird factors-all backed up by scientific studies-that can totally eff with your relationship.

By Natasha Burton

1. Your Weight
Looking at nearly 200 newlywed couples, the University of Tennessee found that both men and women are more satisfied in their relationships when the woman’s BMI was lower than the man’s. While the study ruled out other factors like depression and income, which could have skewed the results, these findings are certainly not a reason to drop pounds. After all, the happiest relationships are those when both partners love and accept each other at any size, right?

2. Your Guy’s Parents
According to a study at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, couples have a 20 percent higher chance of breaking up when a woman is BFF with her guy’s parents. So, if you’re not super close with your man’s mom… that might actually be a good thing.

3. Your Commute
Slogging through traffic morning and night seriously ups your stress levels-which in turn can totally affect your home life, according to research from Umeå University in Sweden. In fact, the risk of breaking up increases 40 percent if you have to commute to work every day.

4. Your Contraception
Taking the Pill helps prevent pregnancy-and maybe breakups as well. According to one study, women who were on the Pill when they met their partners are more likely to remain in their relationships than those who weren’t. The reason? Researchers concluded that those not on the Pill tend to judge potential boyfriends by more superficial qualities-like how good looking and good in bed they are-causing those relationships to end quicker.

5. Your Cell
Obviously, texting your mom while your guy’s trying to tell you about his day is beyond rude, but the University of Essex found that your smartphone can put a damper on your relationship even when you’re not using it. Couples who had heart-to-hearts with their cells nearby reported that they felt less trust in (and empathy from) their partners.

6. Your Dog
A U.K. study found that owning a pet might screw with your dating life. After surveying single men and women about how they’d feel dating someone with a furry friend, a whopping 28 percent said they’d never shack up with a dog owner. Lame sauce.

[yahoonews.com]

The 25 Most Miserable Places in the World

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The misery index, a crude economic measure created by Arthur Orkum, sums a country’s unemployment and inflation rates to assess conditions on the ground (the higher the number, the more miserable a country is). The reasoning: most citizens understand the pain of a high jobless rate and the soaring price of goods.

Business Insider totaled the figures for 197 countries and territories — from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe — to compile the 2013 Misery Index.

Note: Results are based on CIA World Factbook data, which estimates figures for countries and territories that do not have reliable local reporting agencies. The CIA World Factbook was last updated on February 11, 2013.

For full details kindly click o the link ;
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/the-25-most-miserable-places-in-the-world-192748535.html?page=all

How To Communicate In The New Multigenerational Office

At a recent professional development retreat led by
corporate trainer Dana Brownlee, a woman in her
mid-50s stood up and starting citing a laundry list
of communication conflicts on her mixed-age team.
Chiefly, she was angry that the younger members
rarely returned her phone calls by phone. Instead,
seeing the issue as non-pressing, they typically
would text or email back a response. The woman
worked herself into such a frenzy that she suddenly
spouted, “We need to stop emailing and pick up the
%^$# phone!”
As she continued to speak, Brownlee realized the
woman’s concern ran deeper than mere frustration.
Her voice cracked and her breathing faltered until
she couldn’t continue and sat down. It was more
than anger. She felt disrespected and
unappreciated.
Welcome to life in the new workplace. As people
live and work longer than ever before, the modern
office now houses up to four wildly different
generations under one roof—and it can be a Petri
dish for problems. Veterans (born before 1946),
Baby Boomers (1946-1964), Generation X
(1965-1979), and Generation Y or Millennials
(1980-2000) grew up in vastly different times, have
wide-ranging value sets and often employ
conflicting communication styles.
“I’m seeing a lot of generational conflict around
differences in communication style and approach to
working,” says Brownlee, president of corporate
training firm Professionalism Matters in Atlanta, Ga.
“It becomes a barrier that gets in the way of trust.”
The intricacies of workplace communication—what
we say, how we say it and what our choices say
about us—have become increasingly complex as
each group brings a different set of experiences and
expectations to the table.
Differences In Communication Style
“Years ago workplaces were much more formal,”
says Brownlee. “Now it’s much more casual and
colloquial.” However, old-school formality and new-
school ease can cause culture clashes. Whether it’s
a full suit vs. jeans or company letterhead vs. a
quick email, perceptions of what’s appropriate vary
widely. She works with one manager who regularly
feels he has to rein in his younger employees who
write emails to coworkers and clients as if they
were texting. While they prefer efficiency and are
more likely to perceive formal correspondence as
tedious, he values form and precision.
Furthermore, like the woman at Brownlee’s retreat,
differences in communication mode often create
tension. “Typically the older generations prefer
talking face-to-face or on the phone, and the
younger generations tend toward text-based
messages like email and instant message,” she
says. “It becomes very frustrating when you
communicate with someone in a mode that they
don’t like.”
To curb the potential dangers, Brownlee encourages
managers to set clear ground rules for what’s
expected in both internal and external
communications. At the same time, she advises
workers across all age groups to individualize their
approach by learning their coworkers’ preferences
and attempting to meet in the middle.
Changes In Approach To Working
Brownlee, a Gen Xer herself, often hears from her
Veteran and Boomer clients that in their day they
felt proud and lucky to have a job. It was a means
of providing for their families, and they wanted to
give their lives to the company, knowing the
company would take care of them. Therefore, they
can’t understand why younger generations often
don’t share the same work ethic of doing whatever
needs to be done and staying as long as it takes.
However, the economic environment has
completely transformed the values and priorities of
younger workers. “Pensions are a foreign concept
today,” says Brownlee. “Now we’re taught that you
don’t want to stay at one company too long, as
you’re worth more on the open market.” While
older generations tend to respect hierarchy more
and focus on moving up the ladder where they are,
she says younger workers are more entrepreneurial
and tend to jump between jobs. They also want to
align their lifestyles and sense of purpose with their
jobs, so tend to seek flexibility and meaning from
their work. It’s not that they don’t work hard; it’s
that they think of work differently.
Additionally, younger people often seek more
guidance, feedback and acknowledgement on the
job, Brownlee says, which can create a perception
gap. Older workers may think the younger group is
needy or high maintenance, and younger workers
may feel in the dark or unappreciated. “The
solution is on both ends,” she says. “Leaders need
to realize how important that acknowledgment is,
but the younger generations need to realize they’re
not going to get an IV drip of praise.”
Bridging The Gap Between Generations
The solution won’t come from any one person or
generation. “Each party thinks it’s the other
person’s problem,” says Brownlee. “The
responsibility is really mutual.” Being aware of the
differences is a good start. More than that, she
encourages people to talk about them, to demystify
what’s unknown or misunderstood.
It starts with a baseline of respect. “Go out of your
way to learn from each other
,” she advises. Older
workers can lend their vast industry knowledge and
experience. Younger workers can shed light on
demographic, pop culture and technology trends. “It
starts with a coffee or a walk.”

[Forbes.com]

How One Woman Went from Homeless to Millionaire In Less Than Two Years

In an episode of Sex And The City, the lead
character Carrie Bradshaw, once poignantly
concluded, “Maybe the past is like an anchor
holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who
you were to become who you will be.”
In extraordinarily different circumstances, in a far
cry from the glamorous lives portrayed on SATC, a
21-year-old homeless woman named Dani
Johnson
, came to roughly the same conclusion,
though perhaps, through a more excruciating
journey.
She made a meager living as a cocktail waitress in
Hawaii, and was living out of her car with just two
dollars and three cents to her name and $37,000 in
debt. Haunted by a childhood filled with brutal and
systematic physical and sexual abuse, she
attempted suicide following a cocaine binge – but in
that moment, ironically, her life changed forever.
Today Dani Johnson is a multi-millionaire many
times over, runs five companies and spends her
time jetting around the world, giving back through
her various charities.
How she went on to make her first million despite a
tortured past and despite being homeless, is the
stuff of entrepreneurial legend.
Her story suggests, as Dr. Phil would put it, “It
doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t
matter what your daddy didn’t do. Nobody but you
is responsible for your life. You are responsible for
the energy that you create for yourself.”
This is Dani Johnson’s story.
It was Christmas Eve, 1990.
“I was stoned out of my mind for two months –
sleeping with eight different guys. I got to eat only
by dating all these people. I realized that I had
become worse than the family I grew up in and that
was devastating. My mom and dad were drug
addicts and I had never seen my parents sober. My
childhood was filled with threats and getting beaten
daily; week in, week out. My whole life was filled
with horror and terror and lies and I vowed that I
would never be like my family. And there I was
doing cocaine…”
She hated cocaine ‘with a passion’ and recalls that
when coke was introduced into the home by her
parents when she was a teenager, the violence had
intensified and the emotional instability was
‘horrifying’. “They would say one thing and then
another thing after 15 minutes.”
That Christmas Eve, she joined other waitresses at
the beach on a drink and drug binge.
“I was sweating as I was constantly dancing. I see
the coke and I leaned down and I did a line. I
remember waking up at 10 the next morning on my
beach mat and I am asking everyone for coke. I
was walking around saying, ‘Where do I get more of
that stuff?’
That day, I would have given my body – I would
have become a prostitute for coke and that’s how
low I became. I hated everything about myself. I
knew my future would never be good. I was suicidal
from the age of six. My life was not worth living.
There was no chance to turn it into anything better.
I was disgusting. I hated how my parents raised us.
My life was filled with broken promises and lies and
people stealing and people beating me and people
hating me and me hating myself even more…”
Fueled by the after-effects of the drug, in an almost
catatonic state that morning, Dani decided she was
going to end it all. “I started walking towards the
ocean and dived underneath the wave.”
A few more moments under, and her life would
have ended there – not an unsurprising demise
given her circumstances, the coroner and police
chief would have quietly concluded.
But as it happened, in that instant, her life changed
forever.
Almost a Miracle
“I heard a voice say, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’’
It felt almost like a miracle to her.
“The feeling of coke left instantly – I wasn’t
wanting it anymore. I rolled up my beach mat,
turned around and hiked a mile that I needed to in
order to get back to my car. I drove 45 minutes to
the beach where I was living. And the whole time I
was driving, it was as if the left side of my mind
was saying, ‘This is not what is intended for your
life, you shouldn’t be drinking. There is more to
life,’ and the right side was saying, ‘You’re a failure,
you’re a loser, you’re filthy; worse than your
parents. Drive this car into the ocean.’ This was like
a war inside my mind with these voices and I was
literally in a trance.
And I have no idea why I chose to listen to that first
voice.”
So Dani began to ask herself: What can I do? What
do I need to do to get myself out this situation?
“As a cocktail waitress, I was not making enough,
so I had to figure out my options.”
She needed $4,500 to be able to afford an
apartment but with a small income derived mostly
from tips coupled with the island’s high rents, it
would take her four months to save enough money.
“I didn’t want to be homeless for another four
months. Rent in Hawaii was outrageously
expensive and I couldn’t afford plane tickets back
to California. I knew no one. I was terrified I would
be raped or beaten or kidnapped because there
wasn’t any shelter. I was a kid who, between the
ages of three to 16, was abused and molested. The
emotions were still there. You try to push this back
but when you’re homeless, it is at the forefront of
your mind all the time and it was terrifying to me.”
That night she fell asleep in her car without any
answers but the following day, the proverbial light
bulb went off.
“I get this idea. Everything I ever owned was in the
backseat of my car. And there was this weight loss
program I had purchased long before I was
homeless, lying in the back seat. I had used it for a
week. I never paid attention to it before. And it just
caught the corner of my eye in the sun. It was
warped from the humidity. But it was as if this
device was talking to me. I picked it up and it was
as if this thing was saying, ‘I’m your answer.’ And
my first thought was, ‘No, I’m not going to peddle a
weight loss program! No way I’m going to do this!’
As if it was beneath me. As if it was sinking to a
new depth. And you know, sometimes you have
that feeling that you need to do something you
don’t want to do?
I turned the box around, saw the manufacturer’s
details and called them from the payphone.
I started asking them the question: What is it going
to take to carry the product in Hawaii? As it turned
out, it would require me to have licensing – and
money, that I didn’t have.”
And this is when Dani – given her very scant means
– decided to get resourceful.
“I handwrote a flyer [for the weight loss program]
but I needed a phone number to advertise so people
could contact me – and I didn’t have one. So I
picked up the Yellow Pages in the phone booth. You
know cocktail waitresses always have coins! So I
looked through the Yellow Pages and called a small
telecommunications company. And I chatted with
this guy for some time, trying to build a
relationship. I asked him what the cost of their
voice mail service was.
He said to me, ‘Don’t drive all the way to pay for
this. Send me a check for $15. Here’s your new
number…!’
Dani, of course, was elated – down to her last
quarter for that week, she got the break she
needed.
“I put up the flyer at the Post Office where
everyone in this town went to, and three hours
later, not thinking I would get any messages – it
was filled with 25 messages. I didn’t know what to
do with them!
Long story short, I ended up with 40 checks, totaling
$4,000 dollars from people I didn’t even know – that
first month!
I called up the manufacturer with an order but they
wanted a physical address to send the product and I
didn’t have one. So I talked the local liquor store
into letting me use their address.”
Dani made a quarter of a million dollars that first
year just by selling the weight loss program, was a
millionaire by the second year and went on to open
up 18 weight loss centers around the country. She
sold the business in 1996 – a multi-millionaire.

[Forbed.com]

Six Ways To Get Things Done When You’re Not The Boss

Achieving your goals in today’s workplace is about
the right behaviors–not the right job titles. That’s
true whether you’re operating in a boardroom
meeting, on a PTA committee, or running your own
small company. It’s possible to get results from
people who don’t report to you; influence
colleagues in differing roles or generations; and
lead initiatives without being the boss. These steps
can help you create a natural following.
1. Customize your approach. Bend, adjust, and
mold your style to fit someone else’s. If she wants
to hear from you via voicemail and email, it doesn’t
matter if you think that’s outdated or cumbersome.
You’ll get better, faster results if you adjust your
style to what she wants, rather than communicating
with her via text because you prefer it. When you
make it effortless for someone to respond to you or
work with you, she will.
2. Control the vision, not the process. If you
can help others see what you need from them,
you’ll be more likely to get it. People want a clear
vision of what’s expected so they can successfully
achieve it. But leave the how-to-get-there to the
person whose help you seek. Don’t micromanage
the process. Instead, fill in your end-result picture
with exceptional detail and allow others to chart a
path.
3. Enhance the commitment. Salespeople ask
for the sale, and you need to ask for a commitment
and projected delivery date: “Can I count on you for
this? When can I expect you’ll get it to me?” Then
offer assistance and ask what help might ease their
priorities or smooth their way: “What can I do to
help you? Is there anything you need?” Follow
through immediately if you need to involve others,
or provide additional information.
Then, get permission to follow up: “Is it okay if I
check back next week and see if you need anything
else?” This check-in is not an attempt to manage
them; that’s not your role. Rather, it’s a second
chance for you to clear obstacles or assist should
difficulties arise that could prevent you from
getting what you need when you need it.
4. Help them, help you. When we need
something, we tend to make things easier for
ourselves–not others. But those who get great
results do the opposite: they make it easier for the
person they need something from. Have to get a
quote for a press release from a busy manager?
Draft two alternatives they can choose from or
tweak. Need a status update from teammates?
Don’t make them comply with a predesigned
format that’s easier for you. Let them give their
update in whatever fashion they want, even if it’s
over lunch, walking to a meeting, or from a
surrogate.
A project that’s crucial for you to move forward
may be low on the priority list of others. Develop
the spec, straw-person, or outline and have them
sign off. Complete the funding documents or
shepherd approvals through the process. Write the
proposal and give it to them or their staff for
review. Figure out ways to help them help you, and
they will.
5. Act like a musketeer. The Three Musketeers
got it right – “All for one and one for all!” Like 17th-
century musketeers who understood if one was in
trouble, they all were in trouble, those who get
great results operate with unspoken commitments
that go beyond self-interest.
Accountability is essential to being a musketeer.
People respect, trust, and want to work with
colleagues who don’t hide their mistakes, invent
cover-ups, or blame others. Those who step up, own
a problem, and work to fix it build relationship
capital. In an era where it’s difficult to trust the
messages or the messengers, behavioral integrity
is at the root of influence.
6. Be trustworthy. If you want to get better
results from those who don’t report to you, being
trusted counts. In fact, it’s the essential difference
in the operating style of those who consistently
make things happen without title and authority and
those who don’t. So be consistent and honor your
commitments. It will give others confidence in you
and the relationship.

[Forbes.com]

This One Leadership Quality Will Make or Break You

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One of the most often overlooked aspects of leadership is the need for pursuit. Great leaders are never satisfied with traditional practice, static thinking, conventional wisdom, or common performance. In fact, the best leaders are simply uncomfortable with anything that embraces the status quo. Leadership is pursuit – pursuit of excellence, of elegance, of truth, of what’s next, of what if, of change, of value, of results, of relationships, of service, of knowledge, and of something bigger than yourself. In the text that follows I’ll examine the value of being a pursuer…

Here’s the thing – pursuit leads to attainment. What you pursue will determine the paths you travel, the people you associate with, the character you develop, and ultimately, what you do or don’t achieve. Having a mindset focused on pursuit is so critical to leadership that lacking this one quality can sentence you to mediocrity or even obsolescence. The manner, method, and motivation behind any pursuit is what sets truly great leaders apart from the masses. If you want to become a great leader, become a great pursuer.

A failure to embrace pursuit is to cede opportunity to others. A leader’s failure to pursue clarity leaves them amidst the fog. Their failure to pursue creativity relegates them to the routine and mundane. Their failure to pursue talent sentences them to a world of isolation. Their failure to pursue change approves apathy. Their failure to pursue wisdom and discernment subjects them to distraction and folly. Their failure to pursue character leaves a question mark on their integrity. Let me put this as simply as I can – you cannot attain what you do not pursue.

One of the most often overlooked aspects of leadership is the need for pursuit. Great leaders are never satisfied with traditional practice, static thinking, conventional wisdom, or common performance. In fact, the best leaders are simply uncomfortable with anything that embraces the status quo. Leadership is pursuit – pursuit of excellence, of elegance, of truth, of what’s next, of what if, of change, of value, of results, of relationships, of service, of knowledge, and of something bigger than yourself. In the text that follows I’ll examine the value of being a pursuer…

Here’s the thing – pursuit leads to attainment. What you pursue will determine the paths you travel, the people you associate with, the character you develop, and ultimately, what you do or don’t achieve. Having a mindset focused on pursuit is so critical to leadership that lacking this one quality can sentence you to mediocrity or even obsolescence. The manner, method, and motivation behind any pursuit is what sets truly great leaders apart from the masses. If you want to become a great leader, become a great pursuer.

A failure to embrace pursuit is to cede opportunity to others. A leader’s failure to pursue clarity leaves them amidst the fog. Their failure to pursue creativity relegates them to the routine and mundane. Their failure to pursue talent sentences them to a world of isolation. Their failure to pursue change approves apathy. Their failure to pursue wisdom and discernment subjects them to distraction and folly. Their failure to pursue character leaves a question mark on their integrity. Let me put this as simply as I can – you cannot attain what you do not pursue.

[Forbes.com/Mike Myatt,]

The 1-Click Shopping – BuyCommonthings.Com

1 click1-Click, also called one-click or one-click buying, is the technique of allowing customers to make online purchases with a single click, with the payment information needed to complete the purchase already entered by the user previously. More particularly, it allows an online shopper using an internet marketplace to purchase an item without having to use shopping cart software. Instead of manually inputting billing and shipping information for a purchase, a user can use one-click buying to use a predefined address and credit card number to purchase one or more items.
This new style of shopping online has been made popular by the best online grocery company in Nigeria BuyCommonThings.com and they are now putting words into action by commencing a schedule delivery of purchased goods to their esteemed clients who have signed up through their channel and also have indicated their willingness to participate and also shop regularly.
The beauty of it all about this shopping style and technique Is that not only is it quite convenient, affordable and less stressful, it literally saves you a whopping 50% off your shopping time, affording you the best of your time.
To sign up for this program kindly follow the link http://bit.ly/VkpMML

Why You’re Not A Leader

Why-You-Are-Not-a-Leader-300x227Everybody thinks they’re a leader – most are far from it. The harsh reality is that we live in a world awash with wannabe leaders. As much as some don’t want to admit it, not everyone can or should become a leader (my take on the born vs. made argument). Simply desiring to be a leader doesn’t mean a person has the character, skill, and courage necessary to be a leader.

If you think you’re a leader, but haven’t been recognized as such, you have a problem. Either you’re incorrect in your self-assessment, or those you report to don’t recognize your talent. Here’s the good news; handled correctly, either scenario can be resolved if you’re willing to do some work.

I’m often asked what it takes to get to the top – it’s as if people want an add water and mix recipe for leadership. While there are many paths to leadership, they’re certainly not all created equal. Perhaps a more telling issue in today’s world is many of those desiring to get ahead, have no desire to help others get ahead.

I never cease to be amazed at the numbers of people in leadership positions that shouldn’t be. Likewise, I’ve stopped being surprised when those charged with leadership development can’t seem to figure out what constitutes a leader. It’s my hope the following list will eliminate the confusion about why someone isn’t a leader. You’re not a leader if…

You don’t get results: Real leaders perform – they get the job done – they consistently exceed expectations. No results = no leadership – it’s just that simple.
You get results the wrong way: If the only way you can solve the deficit described in point #1 above is through chicanery or skullduggery you’re not a leader. The ends don’t justify the means. If you abuse your influence, don’t treat people well, or confuse manipulation with leadership, you may win a few battles, but you’ll lose the war. Optics over ethics never ends well, and being a jerk doesn’t make you a leader.
You don’t care: Indifference is a characteristic not well suited to leadership. You simply cannot be a leader if you don’t care about those you lead. The real test of any leader is whether or not those they lead are better off for being led by them.
You’re chasing a position and not a higher purpose: If you value self-interest above service beyond self you simply don’t understand the concept of leadership. Leadership is about caring about something beyond yourself, and leading others to a better place – even if it means you take a back seat, or end up with no seat at all. Power often comes with leadership, but it’s not what drives real leaders.
You care more about making promises than keeping them: Leadership isn’t about your rhetoric; it’s about your actions. Leadership might begin with vision casting, but it’s delivering the vision that will ultimately determine your success as a leader.
You put people in boxes: Stop telling people why they can’t do something and show them how they can. Leaders don’t put people in boxes, it’s their obligation to free them from boxes. True leadership is about helping people reach places they didn’t know they could go.
You follow the rules instead of breaking them: Status quo is the great enemy of leadership. Leadership is nothing if not understanding the need for change, and then possessing the ability to deliver it.
You churn talent instead of retain it: Real leadership serves as a talent magnet – not a talent repellent. If you can’t acquire talent, can’t develop talent, or can’t retain talent you are not a leader.
You take credit instead of giving it: True leadership isn’t found seeking the spotlight, but seeking to shine the spotlight on others. The best leaders only use “I” when accepting responsibility for failures. Likewise, they are quick to use “we” when referring to successes.
You care about process more than people: But for the people there is no platform. Without the people you have nothing to lead. When you place things above the people you lead you have failed as a leader.

Treat your Valentine to Giorgio Armani this year

Valentine’s Day is upon us and nothing says ‘I love
you’ better than an act which will make your partner
happy. Some exclusive goodies, courtesy Italian
luxury label Giorgio Armani are bound to make this
V-Day memorable. Treat your lady love to a calf
skin leather patchwork clutch by the brand, which is
part suede and part varnished. The classic shade of
black makes it a winner and bow detailing with a
pop of pink make it a stylish pick. And if your
sweetheart is a gizmo lover, pair this gift with a
candy pink iPad case that is sure to brighten up her
day. This beauty comes with leather lining, framed
closure and logo detailing. For something more
classic, there is an option of a subtle silver clutch
too. Boasting of a laminated effect and rhinestone
embellishments, this will be a hit with the lady who
is a fan of elegance.
And if your sweetheart is a gizmo lover, pair this
gift with a candy pink iPad case that is sure to
brighten up her day. This beauty comes with leather
lining, framed closure and logo detailing.
So look no further than Giorgio Armani to present
your darling a sweet treat. Splurge on the patchwork
clutch worth $2,345 here, iPad holder costing $365
here and silver clutch priced at $ 2,475 here

World’s first jewelry made of space gold launched at Dubai International Jewellery Week

If your love is truly exceptional, then why not
confirm its existence with the blessings from the
heavens? SpaceWed can help you do just that. It is
the only brand in the entire world to offer you
exclusive wedding rings that were sent into outer
space. To commemorate 50 years of Yuri Gagarin’s
space flight, the rings were sent aboard the UP
Aerospace SL-5 rocket on the 20th of May, 2011.
The nose of this rocket was filled with 2.5 ounces of
gold and sent into space for fifteen minutes. But
what makes these rings really special is that only
50 of these bands have been created on Earth. And
at speeds of 4,000 miles per hour, these rings have
received the heavenly aura that will help set your
marriage a part from the rest of humanity. They are
engraved with unique serial numbers that can be
selected by the clients themselves.
These fantastic pieces of jewelry come in a
customized designed Space Capsule and include a
Certificate of Space flight and the documentary of
the rocket launch.
Recent surveys say that over 100,000 couples get
married every day, around the world. So if you want
to make sure your union is extraordinary get a gift
that is really out of this world. You can visit the 16th
edition of the exclusive Dubai International
Jewellery Week and get your own Space Wedding
Ring.
The rings are valued between $12,000 and $17,000
or you could also get lucky at the Raffle Draw and
win it!

Dazzling gift ideas for Valentine’s Day

valentines-day-gifts-9

valentines-day-gifts-5

valentines-day-gifts-8Valentine’s day is a day when couples young and old get to share their love, a day to tell that special someone how much they mean to you. While chocolates and roses are lovely, they have gotten to be quite generic, so instead why not pick something more luxurious, something that will tell your special lady how important she is. Personally I’m not going to complaint about any day where I get presents, especially ones as nice as these

Chopard’s dangling precious temptations earring is incredibly flirty with it’s pink and purple stones. The price is available on request.

How To Be A Super-Achiever: The 10 Qualities That Matter

What do actor Alec Baldwin, game-show champion
Ken Jennings and baseball icon Yogi Berra have in
common?
That’s what husband-and-wife duo Camille
Sweeney and Josh Gosfield set out to discover. For
their upcoming book The Art of Doing: How
Superachievers Do What They Do and How They Do
It So Well, they interviewed 36 star performers that
climbed to the tops of their various fields.
“We didn’t want to theorize about success,” says
Gosfield. “We went straight to the source, finding
the most amazing people in all fields and asking
them, ‘How do you do what you do?’”
Interview after interview with some of the world’s
most successful people—actress Laura Linney,
Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh, crossword mastermind
Will Shortz—they began seeing patterns emerge.
No matter how diverse their goals or crafts, these
super-achievers shared many of the same habits.
How can you follow in their footsteps? These are
the 10 qualities that will set you apart.
Dedication To A Vision
“Every great success starts with inspiration, but not
every inspiration leads to success,” Gosfield says.
“The most common thing we found was these
people’s devotion to the day-to-day struggle.”
Glossy magazine success stories often don’t show
the dark moments, the daily grind or flagging
energy that super-achievers endure to realize their
goals. However, that dedication is essential to their
success.
Intelligent Persistence
One thing successful people know: Dedication and
blind persistence are two very different things. “You
can work hard but not smart,” says Sweeney.
“When something’s not working, you’ve got to
tweak it. Some people just keep banging their
heads against the wall.” Instead of doggedly using
the same ineffective tactics, super-achievers pivot
and try to tackle the problem from a different
angle.

Fostering A Community
Star performers know they can’t achieve success on
their own. Instead, they must galvanize a group of
people around their idea or goal. Teamwork, or
having an ecosystem of supporters, turns out to be
critically vital for success. It doesn’t just include
partners and coworkers. It might also mean
employees, customers, investors, mentors, fans
and social media followers. They quote business
guru Guy Kawasaki: “First you have to create
something worthy of an ecosystem. Then pick your
evangelists.”
Listening And Remaining Open
“You don’t normally think of hard-charging, action-
oriented leaders as being good listeners,” says
Sweeney. “These people’s ability to practice the art
of listening helped them learn what they needed to
know about the world around them.” For example,
Zappos’ Hsieh asked all his employees to share
their personal values so that he could incorporate
them into the company’s values and culture.
Likewise, Linney says she never accepts a role
unless she has read and reread the script so many
times that it has opened up to her.
Good Storytelling
Stories have the ability to transport people to your
world, and then they’re more likely to invest in you
and your brand. Philippe Petit, famous for his high-
wire walk between the Twin Towers of New York
City’s World Trade Center in the 1970s, believed
other wire-walkers were trying to make it look hard.
“But he wanted to be a poet in the sky and seem
effortless,” Sweeney says. “His narrative wasn’t in
words, but it was a story he was communicating.”
Testing Ideas In The Market
“Everybody has a bias to think their own idea is
brilliant,” says Gosfield. “[Achievers] roll it out in
an environment that’s as close as possible to the
market.” Bill Gross, serial entrepreneur and founder
of Idealab, always tests before he invests. When he
had an idea for an online car dealer, CarsDirect, no
one was sure if people would actually buy a car
from a Web site. He decided to put up a test site to
see what would happen. Before they had any
inventory, they’d sold four cars and had to shut
down the site. On the upside, Gross then knew for a
fact there was a market for the service.
Managing Emotions
“We found that managing emotions is a key
element to success,” Sweeney says. “It’s so easy to
be derailed by them, but these people are able to
channel anger and frustration into their work.” This
was an important lesson for Jessica Watson, the
Australian sailor who circumnavigated the world
alone at only 16 years old. While out at sea, when
loneliness or negativity set in, she would
acknowledge her emotions and remind herself that
she could get past them. “You can’t change
conditions—just the way you deal with them,”
Watson said.
Constantly Evolving
Successful people maintain success by consistently
learning and adapting to the environment around
them. Tennis champion Martina Navratilova
realized this when her game suddenly started
sliding. She decided to transform her training
routine and diet, and soon was back on track to
become an all-star athlete.
Practicing Patience
Inaction, or stillness, can sometimes be just as
useful as action. The importance of patience was a
primary theme among the super-achievers–whether
it’s strategically waiting for the best time to make a
move or continuing to pursue a larger vision
without receiving immediate rewards. Jill Tarter, a
director of the SETI Institute (Search for
Extraterrestrial Intelligence), has been searching for
life on other planets for the last 50 years without
any guarantee of success.
Pursuing Happiness
Success fuels happiness, and happiness in turn
fuels greater success. Jennings, “the winningest
game-show champion in history,” said once he
became a contestant on a game show, it filled his
entire life with passion. That happiness helped him
win, and winning ended up giving him the
confidence he needed to pursue a career he loved:
writing. Seeking happiness in your life and work
turns out to be a win-win.

Forewarned is Forearmed: Understand your Customer before the Sales Relationship Starts

Knowledge is power. We’ve all heard the saying,
but the flip side of so much knowledge is that we
are no longer living in the Age of Information but
the Age of Information Overload. Today’s typical
customer knows all about your company and
services before they ever engage with you, which
means that you have to know as much about them
as possible before you engage. And increasingly
demanding customers may also expect that each
representative of your company is aware of all
details of their previous interactions with your
company—purchase history, likes and dislikes,
issues, etc. As I mentioned in my blog, Becoming a
Dynamic Sales Team, this rise of the empowered
customer is forcing sales executives to look for new
ways to equip their sales teams and help them stay
ahead of the competition. A new generation of CRM
tools is making it possible for organizations to arm
their people with the foreknowledge they need to
function in this new sales environment.
Thinking about CRM as going beyond managing the
existing customer relationship to managing the
future customer relationship can help your sales
people close deals with new customers—as well as
increase incremental customer lifetime value.
Companies that use CRM to bring together relevant
information in separate teams can extend
knowledge about a case, customer or scenario
beyond what is stored in the system of record.
Participating in communities and using always-on
tools, like Yammer and Skype, enables contextual
collaboration among sales staff and their peers in
the company at large. With this access to your
organization’s “tribal knowledge” or anecdotal
knowledge, your prospect and customer facing
teams are able to propose solutions to fit each
situation.
Take it a bit further by combining the information in
your internal systems with data from social profiles
and third-party data services to gain real insight
into your prospects and customers. Solutions such
as InsideView can be used to deliver timely,
relevant sales intelligence to sales reps when and
where they need it – in your CRM system. Serving
this information up in the context of the sales cycle
will help your people have more relevant and
targeted conversations. Better business intelligence
can also enable proactive selling. CRM tools today
are not limited to intelligence just on the customer
at hand; rich analysis tools and BI enable you to cut
across customers, segments, industries, or
geographies to identify trends or anticipate needs,
which can inform sales activities.
CSX Transportation originally deployed Microsoft
Dynamics CRM for sales and marketing, but as they
brought their other teams on board, they found that
they could collaborate on customer accounts more
effectively, thus establishing a much more
comprehensive view of their customers. For the
first time, their sales people can see the ‘who’ and
the ‘what’ involved in the service they have sold.
With this insight, they can engage all the way down
to the people who operate the trains and those
most familiar with the customer to collaborate on
accounts. CSX now does more team selling and
cross-selling across business groups, such as
intermodal transportation, to offer customers the
best fit of services.
U.S. Xpress Enterprises was able to recover as
much as $350,000 in lost-opportunity costs by
deploying Microsoft Dynamics CRM. Previously their
salespeople spent as many as seven hours
preparing for a sales meeting. Now they know their
customers even better than before and gathering
information takes minutes. They are able to
accelerate the sales cycle, giving them more time
to reach out to prospects and put deals in the
pipeline.
STIHL dealer network recently deployed Microsoft
Dynamics CRM and integrated it with business
analysis and enterprise resource planning systems.
The solution enables territory managers to analyze
and review sales data by dealer segment, drilling
down into dealer information, such as issues under
resolution, sales numbers, and sales targets. As a
result, territory managers can approach dealers
with just the right products and promotions, help
them reach their revenue goals, and more
efficiently meet their own sales targets. Likewise,
company leaders have a high level of insight into
market trends that affect dealer sales and can
adjust company goals accordingly.
With the purchase experience being a key
influencer of loyalty, equipping our sales people as
best we can will pay huge benefits—not just in
sales, but for the life of the customer-company
relationship. New CRM tools can provide them with
all the knowledge and insight they need, not only to
sell more effectively, but to become the chief
creator of the customer experience.
How does your company use CRM?

Is Your Body Language Costing You A Promotion?

“Half or more of all communication is nonverbal,”
says Todd Dewett, a management professor at
Ohio-based Wright State University. “Professionals
are stressed. They are multitasking. They face
many competing demands. Consequently, while
they might sometimes be focused on using words
correctly, they never give a second thought to what
their body is saying.”
Evolutionary psychologists contend that nonverbal
communication is largely driven by the limbic
system, so body movement and facial expressions
are usually unconscious reactions–evolutionary
artifacts of behaviors that developed thousands of
years ago. However, many of the mechanisms that
once ensured survival—an unfamiliar face provoked
a fight or flight response—are no longer productive
today and may even derail your success.
“Communication, including body language,
becomes significantly more important when
considering who’s promotion material,” says
Dewett. “As soon as you step into a supervisor role,
it all comes down to communication skills.”
Do you know what your body’s saying?
Communication and management experts detail
the silent signals you may be sending.
You’re Not Confident
From their vocal intonation to the tilt of their heads,
successful professionals should convey confidence
and authority. However, common body language
mistakes may make them look uncertain and
indecisive. Poor posture can be detrimental. “When
you slouch you do not have a dynamic presence,”
says career coach Sarah Hathorn. “In the business
world it sends a strong signal that you lack
confidence and have poor self esteem, which can
undermine your actual abilities.”
Similarly, your handshake is a strong indicator of
who you are as a leader. Hathorn says it’s
important to strike the right balance, as a weak
handshake (something women are often guilty of)
shows a lack of authority and a bone-crunching
handshake (more often in the realm of men) can
come across as overly aggressive. “Most people do
not how to do it properly,” says Hathorn. “You want
be firm and match the strength of the person’s hand
you’re shaking.”

You’re Disinterested
People at work fall into day-to-day routines and
show far too much of their internal life, says
Dewett. Showing signs of disinterest and
disengagement is particularly destructive.
Dewett warns against common ticks like looking at
the clock or your watch while speaking with
someone, as they will assume you are arrogant or
don’t buy into what they’re saying. Also, angling
your body away from a person, not leaning into a
conversation or looking past them signals that you
want to distance yourself from them or their ideas.
It’s also very important to control your facial
expressions. “Be aware of it,” says Hathorn. “Are
you looking down, frowning or scowling with the
forehead?” She says even a blank face may come
off as negative, and suggests holding a very slight
smile so that you look like you have energy and are
paying attention. Furthermore, avoid fidgeting in
meetings—adjusting clothing, pulling the lint off
your sweater or playing with your phone—which
will come off as distracted and indifferent.
You’re Disrespectful
Invading others’ space is a major no-no, because it
signals that you don’t respect them or their
boundaries. Hathorn says every person has a radius
of 1.5 feet that they consider intimate space. In
business, you wouldn’t want to come any closer
than arms length, she says, or you run the risk of
making someone feel uncomfortable. The same
respect should be given to others’ office spaces and
personal items. Picking up items on their book
shelf, putting your feet on their desk or otherwise
making yourself too at home will communicate
disrespect for the person and their work.
Facial expressions like eye rolling and frowning are
clear signs of disagreement that need to be kept in
check. More subtle movements may also portray
negativity. If you squint or narrow your eyes
because you’re thinking, you might inadvertently
appear as if you are questioning what your
coworker is saying, says Karen Friedman, author of
Shut Up and Say Something: Business
Communication Strategies to Overcome Challenges
and Influence Listeners. Meanwhile, multitasking–
even having a Smartphone out on the table—will be
perceived as disrespectful because you’re not offering your full attention.

You’re Uncomfortable
“People tend to use very closed body gestures,”
says Hathorn. Folding your arms over your chest or
crossing your legs appears protective and as if
you’re not open to receiving the message. “Open up
your body language so others feel like they can
approach you.”
Feelings of discomfort are especially evident when
you’re making a presentation—the one time
everyone’s looking at you. “Most people can’t stand
presenting,” says Dewett. “They’d rather die.”
Usually that’s apparent. You either shut down
emotionally, using a monotone voice, no facial
expression and look at the floor, or have an excess
of movement, seen in shuffling feet, playing with
hair, scratching or rapid blinking. “Get yourself on
video,” he advises. “It will open your eyes very
fast.”
You’re Lying
Your body should communicate your credibility, so
the last thing you want to do is fake it. “There is
nothing worse than a phony smile,” says Friedman.
“If you are smiling because you are trying to be
polite or ingratiate the boss, then that smile should
truly light up your face to the crinkles at the corners
of your eyes. Fake smiles typically involve just the
mouth.”
Dewett adds that eye aversion and incongruity
between words and gestures also suggest
deception. “The funniest to me is when there’s a
mismatch: You’ll say ‘sure I don’t mind doing this’
but your face is repulsed, or you’ll say ‘yes’ while
nodding no,” he explains. Dewett recommends
becoming more aware of your body and asking for
honest feedback from trusted coworkers to better
align your words with your body language.